So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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