Got a toothbrush?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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