you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
