Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize