Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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