His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
