He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
