I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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