Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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