I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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