so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
