Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
