just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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