sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't turn off my feet"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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