Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
