All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize