Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
