I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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