so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
