Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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