all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
