Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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