gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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