plz talk dirty to me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
