I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
