So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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