There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Vodka?
Forever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You are the jesus of drinking
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
