i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
