Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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