I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
