sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
