I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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