It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
