we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
