Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
