I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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