He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
