What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i out mim tonsoeep
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
