Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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