I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
PANTIES FOUND
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