i think i have herpe
just one?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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