I just saw a hot homeless man
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
