"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
