I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
