Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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