I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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