woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
