I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
