make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
