my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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