sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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