You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize