There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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