Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How drunk are you?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.