What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
