he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.