i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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