dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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