He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
