the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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