I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize