Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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