Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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