My nipple is on Facebook.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
