dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize