i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
