I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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