i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pants are for mortals
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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