we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
