i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this just has baby written all over it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
