Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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